NOTE: Links to articles in this series: Fostering Part 1 | Fostering Part 2 | Fostering Part 3

By Dr. Robin Dyson

Certain days in your life stand out. You can remember details about those days better than one from just last week.

The day our children came into our lives, Oct 5, 2016, and the events leading up to that day are still very clear.

On a typical day, I’m busy in and out of patient encounters. My husband works a desk job, so he got the call from the Foster Care System. They asked if we would be willing to take three siblings. It was a Friday afternoon. He called me and we discussed it. Three kids. THREE. That’s a lot!

We had plans that weekend, and doubted we would find a babysitter for three new kids that quickly. I felt like three was an overwhelming number… our max number. My sister and I are 11 years apart, and were almost raised as only kids. My husband only had one sister growing up. We both worked full-time and our folks lived out of town. So we decided the timing wasn’t right. My husband called the Social Worker back and let her know that we were not going to be able to take them. One detail he left out… he told her to call back if they could not find anywhere else for the kids. (He has a soft heart.)

The weekend came and went.

We attended the concert and social events we’d planned. Monday came, no call. Then Tuesday came, and the Foster System called my husband back. The children had been put on a “Safety Plan” over the weekend and left in their house. But the Foster System checked on them and didn’t feel they were safe. The kids needed a foster family.

My husband called me at work again. He said the kids were unsafe and needed a place to stay. They needed us. I told him that he would have to really ‘step up to the challenge’ of three kids. We also discussed that this must be a ‘sign’ that they should be with us. He called the social worker back and said we would take them.

I thought we would get a call later that night and they would arrive, but no call and no kids. That really frustrated me because Wednesday was my late day to work. I thought I could spend Wednesday morning getting them registered for school, etc, but how could I do that without them there?

I didn’t know anything more about the kids except there were two boys and a girl ages 6, 7, and 9 years old.

Wednesday morning rolled around, then lunchtime, and nothing. So off to work I go. I let my husband know that he would have to ‘take care’ of getting the kids at this point because I was heading to work. I can’t leave a full-schedule of patients. Finally, Wednesday afternoon rolls around and he gets a call that they’re ‘on their way.’ I told him to take a picture of the kids when they arrived so I could see them. And I also wanted to know their names. A few hours later I got this:

We talked on the phone, and by that time I was working the evening Urgent Care walk-in. It was actually very slow, so I had some extra time. My partner for the evening was Dr. Dewitt, and because it was slow, and the kids needed a ‘foster check’ within the first 48 hours with us, I told him to go ahead and bring the kids in to work so Dr. Dewitt could do their ‘foster checks.’

When they arrived, the kids were CRAZY!

The youngest boy (6 year old) was in the waiting room running across the seats of the chairs. The middle girl (7 years old) was showing me that she could do cartwheels and the splits in the waiting room. And the oldest was a little more quiet. They were dirty, smelly, and wearing clothes that didn’t fit well. The youngest was a little chubby and in super-tight, size 4T ski pants without undies, and a size 7 long-sleeve shirt with shoes and no socks. The girl was in a 5T, very short skirt. And the 9 year old boy was wearing women’s size 29 jeans with a rope for a belt, shoes without socks, and a hoodie with the sleeves cut out. His little arms were so tiny, just skin and bones.

Dr. Dewitt did their exams and my husband took them home. I stopped by Target on the way home from work that night and bought them all some new clothes. It took three days of showering daily and wearing those new clothes to get the ‘smell’ off of them. I remember thinking that it was a privilege to do laundry because it meant these kids finally had clean and appropriately fitting clothes to wear. (Laundry is one of my least favorite chores!)

We got to know the kids and tried to get out and do some fun activities with them.

The activities included Faulkner’s Farm, where the pure joy on my youngest son’s face when the balloon-man was making things/telling jokes, warmed my heart. We took them to Boo at the Zoo, and seeing my daughter laughing as she came down the slide brought me joy. I try to capture those genuine moments when I can. We were at Minsky’s pizza for dinner one night when the kids asked us about when they would go back to their mom. We had to break the news that it would be a while… that it was up to the judge and not us or them. My oldest was very upset. I felt genuinely bad for him, but didn’t know exactly what to say. About two weeks into fostering them, my husband and I discussed that we would adopt them, if that was ever an option—as we were already growing to love these three cuties.

If you read part one of this story, you already know that on top of trying to have fun with the kids, keep them going to school and getting homework done, our house turned into a ‘welcome’ zone for case workers, therapists, etc.

We also had meetings and court dates to attend.

As you can imagine, my husband (who worked at a desk job downtown) had more flex in his schedule to attend these than I did with full days of patients scheduled. He definitely rose to the challenge. He was our voice in these meetings and court dates—not that a foster family has any rights.

I did attend one of the meetings early on when we were asked to bring the kids with us. There was a large round table in the room with toys and coloring books in a corner. The kids quickly found the toys and played. Their mom was supposed to attend, but was late due to car trouble, so we started the meeting without her. The kids were really disappointed their mom wasn’t there. About 30-45 minutes later, their mom showed up. She was very pretty, hair and makeup done, was wearing a skirt suit with heels and seemed very well put together. The kids were so happy to see her, it warmed my heart. The plan was that mom had criteria she needed to meet and eventually, once met, the kids would be reunified. She was given supervised parent visits with a parent aid. In my mind, this was a temporary situation where we would make sure the kids were safe, clean, well-fed, and would be returned as soon as mom met her requirements. These were her kids we were watching.

At first, this plan seemed to go well.

Parent aid would pick up the kids and they would have a ‘date’ with mom. My husband and I would have a break/date during this time. The problem was that the visits wouldn’t last as long as planned. The kids were in the park with mom, but it was cold and they didn’t want to stay there. They had already spent their tokens at Chuck E. Cheese and their mom didn’t have money to pay for any more. The kids were at McDonald’s, but had eaten and played and were ready to return, etc.

Then mom started canceling the meetings or not showing up at all. That was hard. It made us feel like we had to ‘make up’ for her short comings.

During this time, my husband and I were also still attending the last of our Spaulding training (classes required to adopt foster kids). During those classes, the foster system provided care/activities in a separate area for the kids. That class was on Friday evening.

On the way home, the kids started telling us about their abuse.

We had a therapist on Saturday mornings that would come to the house, so we asked the kids to hold off telling us any more. We wanted to wait until the morning when the therapist was present as she is the neutral party to discuss these things with. That next morning, the therapist arrived, and we let her know a few of the things the children told us. Things that weren’t the reasons we’d been told about how they’d gone into care. She took them to a separate area, one at a time, and spent a few minutes with each of them. She then came back to us and told us that it was worse than they’d started to share the night before. Then all of us—the therapist, my husband and I, and all the kids—sat at our kitchen table and spent a few hours talking.

The therapist led the discussion and the kids opened up about so many things that it made my head spin—and I sat there and cried. My oldest asked me why I was crying, and I told him because I cannot imagine anyone treating their children—a precious gift from God—that way, and especially not him, a child I’ve grown to love. It was that day that I knew these kids were going to be mine. That I would do whatever it took to keep them safe from the dark places they had come from. Needless to say, parent visits stopped.

The children’s case goal of reunification was changed to a goal of adoption.

There were more court dates. There was a mediation with the biological father (via speaker phone, since he lived out of state), his lawyer, and mediator about what his end would look like if we adopted the kids. There was a ‘staffing’ where we were selected as the adoptive ‘resource’ family. Parents relinquished their rights—this was their gift to their children and to us, that kids could have a safe, permanent home without a fight.

We then got a lawyer. A wonderful guy named Jim Waits, who doesn’t charge more than the foster system pays (so it was free for us!) and the paperwork was started. My daughter had been praying that she would be adopted on her birthday. So when Jim called us with potential dates for the adoption, and one option was her birthday—we chose that one. This was about 15 months after they’d arrived at our door.

I hired a photographer who captured the morning for us, and Will’s mom and step-dad were able to attend as well. When I got to work that afternoon, my work family at LSPG had a cake, balloons and gift cards for us. It was such a special day!

And then we took them to Disneyworld to celebrate!

The post Fostering: Part 2 appeared first on Community Choice Pediatrics.

By Dr. Robin Dyson

“To the world you may be just one person, but to one child, you may be the world.” This child may be your own, if you have been blessed with one. But there are many ways to build a family–fostering is one.

First, a little history about fostering.

In 1853 the New York Children’s Aid Society, led by Charles Brace, started helping homeless children living in the city. Children were gathered up, put on ‘orphan trains’ and brought to the West and South – given ‘free’ to families who would house them. Occasionally, childless couples would take these children in as their own; however, people often exploited these children to work on their farms, factories or as house helpers.

This was not a loving way for children to find a place of refuge. Often, children were separated from siblings, never to be reunited. But this was the catalyst for our current fostering system. By the late 1800s, government agencies began to get involved in the fostering of children. By the early 1900s, children’s needs were considered in deciding placements. Foster families had inspections and were more regulated.

My husband and I began the fostering process four years ago in June 2015.

We were a childless couple, having married at 40. We had tried to start a family the ‘natural way,’ then the ‘fertility assistance’ way, without success. We’d met with an adoption agency and considered that process. We met with another fertility specialist for a second opinion, and tried IVF. And we were exhausted and heartbroken when that failed. We considered being a childless couple, but we both loved children and felt that God had put in our hearts to have a family of our own. I had taken care of several foster children as a physician, and started finding out more about the process from the foster families that I met. These are some awesome families!

My husband and I discussed the idea of not having a baby. I think everyone wants that little cuddle bug you can love and shape from day one.

To foster, you have be open to an age range of children.

We were older, and in some respects, we felt that taking a child rather than a baby, would be more like a biological age difference, and people would be less likely to mistake us for grandma and grandpa. We contacted our local fostering agency (in Independence) and began the paperwork process—background checks, medical exams, personal information, why you want to foster and your parenting style, home study. Then we got signed up for fostering classes.

I remember the first day of foster training and my shock: THE GOAL OF THE FOSTERING SYSTEM IS REUNIFICATION OF FAMILIES. Um, what???!!!

I thought it was called ‘foster to adopt.’ We thought fostering was a trial period to see if you wanted to adopt the child—nope! The primary goal of fostering is reunification. Fostering is not designed to find homes for children to live forever, but to find safe loving homes for children while assisting biologic parents to rectify the issues in their lives that brought the child into care. In some cases, children have suffered neglect, drug exposure, physical, and even sexual abuse. These are the most vulnerable children in Missouri. The care they require is unique to them.

I was thinking, this poor child that was neglected or abused that came into care, and they want to put that child back in that situation? Can I even do this? Now, you have to remember that I have seen some horrible things being a physician–a baby shaken to the point that brain is irreparable and it dies, a 2-year-old beaten to a pulp, a baby that was thrown out a window and sustained fractures and permanent brain damage. Clearly, not all children in foster care are returned to situations that cannot be rectified, and those are the children that are adopted so they can have permanency.

Foster training complete.

Once our training was complete, with all the paperwork, we were officially a ‘professional foster family’ and placed on a call list. The call to take a child can come at any time, and you are given an option to take or not take a placement.

When you are licensed, you have a number of ‘open beds’ to dictate how many children you can take. When you get a call, you get very minimal information—number of children, age, and sex, and those may be less than perfectly accurate. You are not told exactly what the situation bringing them into care is, and the children come only with the clothes on their backs. I think one thing to keep in mind is that when the children arrive, they have just been yanked from their homes, as dysfunctional those homes may have been, and the children are in some level of shock.

I see these children at work, and they may be jumping all over the place, hard to handle, talking up a storm, or they may be withdrawn or tearful.

Taking a foster placement.

When you take a placement, you open up your lives and home to a myriad of the ‘fostering team.’

This includes, but is not limited to:

• The fostering parent(s) licensing worker—the one who does your home study, paperwork and got you licensed, this person represents your interest, and usually visits quarterly.
• The foster child/children’s case worker—who represents the child’s interests, who visits monthly.
• The Guardian ad Litem—the legal representative for the child’s best interest, who may come once or many times to your home, but should always be at court.
• The parent liaison—who supervises visits between the child and parent (if the court has authorized visits), and comes at the frequency of visits allowed that parent will attend.
• Other in-home people may include Behavior Specialists, Therapists, licensing worker’s supervisor, and others.

Your life becomes very busy and scheduled.

You will be going to case meetings where the entire team meets (Family Support Team “FST” meetings), and you will be going to court dates. And in many cases, you have absolutely no control over these and the decisions that are made for your foster child. It may become a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows as you go through this process on your way to reunification with the bio family.

You will also be getting the child caught-up on medical check-ups (twice a year), dental checkups (also twice a year), eye examinations, possibly psychological evaluations, and other specialist visits. Most children that come into a foster home, will not be returning in less than 30 days. But a kinship placement could be found, the parent may have other children in care and the child is moved to that family, the parent may meet all the reunification requirements and start doing part-time care on the road to transition back to the home, or in some cases, the child may become adoptable.

The most important thing to keep in mind, is that a foster family is a safe haven for a child in need, and for whatever period of time they are in that home, the foster parent should focus on loving that child as much as they can.

In Fostering Part 2, I will discuss our personal journey to fostering-to-adopt our children.

The post Fostering : Part 1 appeared first on Community Choice Pediatrics.

I’m so happy that it’s almost RED NOSE DAY! Why? Because with the purchase of a red clown nose at your local Walgreens, it can help child poverty all over the world.

Red Nose Day funds programs to help children stay safe, healthy and educated. Since 2015, they have raised nearly $150 million dollars and have impacted over 16 million children in America and around the world.

The impact of donations, taken from their website, is:

• Essential medical services for children have been 13.6 million dollars
• 146k children with water, sanitation, hygiene access
• Vaccines purchased $40.3 million dollars
• 36 million meals served
• 77,000 homeless children helped
• 967,000 children received educational resources

Wow!

I first got involved in 2015, the first Red Nose Day, while working at my previous job. My company at the time bought all of us our Red Noses, we wore them all day, took a group picture for our Facebook page and our patients loved it! Many of them also got involved after leaving our office after hearing what a great cause this was.

When I came onboard with Lee’s Summit Physician’s Group, I asked our director if we could participate. No questions were asked when I told them that it was for the children and we have participated in Red Nose Day ever since!

We have competitions between our three offices to see who can get the most red noses, take goofy pictures and again our patients love seeing our doctors wearing their noses, especially our little patients.

Be sure to check out our Facebook page, you just might see one our doc’s sporting a cute red nose. Also, watch NBC on May 23rd for the live 5th annual Special and watch the tally of your donations at work with your favorite TV stars, including Kristen Bell, Hugh Grant, Kelly Clarkson to name just a few. They will have stories that will make you cry and then cry from laughing.

Our director, Jody Brown, wrote a blog last year about her personal story of why she is passionate about this cause, and she tells about her time spent in Kenya. It’s truly an inspirational story and another example of why this cause is so important. If you have time, please check it out!

How You Can Get Involved

Red Nose Day is May 23, 2019 and noses along with pens, wristbands and pins can be purchased at your local Walgreens store. You can also purchase online at www.walgreens.com and click on the Red Nose button. They also have a Facebook page, Instagram and Twitter as well as www.rednoseday.org where you can find out more.

The post Red Nose Day 2019 appeared first on Community Choice Pediatrics.

Ever wonder how the decorations get changed at LSPG?

There’s someone that does a lot of work around LSPG, but never gets paid! Darlene Barnard, Dr. Barnard’s wife, was gracious enough to answer a few questions for me. She has been helping our office and the community for many years. She is one of the silent, necessary components that keep LSPG running smoothly. When questioning her about the things she does and enjoys, I learned a great deal!

“I enjoy meeting all of the staff at LSPG. I also like the office building and grounds to be welcoming to the clients & staff of LSPG. Pretty flowers and trees always make me smile, so I like to add some color around the office.

I try to maintain the flower pots at the entry doors festive and inviting. I enjoy the positive comments from kids and adults as they walk in the doors to LSPG.  I offer my input (usually only when asked) about the landscaping of the green areas around the office parking lots!”

Anyone that knows Darlene, knows she likes to garden. She brings her bounty in to share with staff when the season is good.

But holidays would not be the same here without her help!

“I decorate the front desk and waiting areas for Halloween, fall and Christmas. The receptionists and patients enjoy the decor. The decor is inviting and comments on the ghosts, pumpkins, snowmen and Santa are a nice diversion for the clients and families of LSPG. “

Darlene loves flowers and trees and doesn’t want LSPG to look “institutional” so she loves to add color around the office. She enjoys interacting and watching the children look at the decorations. Often, the decorations open communication with our staff like what they’re going to wear for Halloween, what presents they got for Christmas, and what they like about the holiday season.

And we couldn’t make this an article about her without mentioning her love to walk her two golden retrievers every day. She brought them to meet the staff when they were little and now they’re too big to come inside to say hello. But once in a while, you might see them outside in the car as happy as can be to get some attention!

Photography, loving on her grandkids and being outside (particularly on the BEACH) are some of her other favorite things!

Thank you Darlene for being such a great part of our daily life at LSPG!

The post Festive, Spooky and More – Darlene Makes it Happen appeared first on Community Choice Pediatrics.

You may have seen the pictures of our staff with their funny red noses on Facebook several weeks ago and just assumed it was because we were trying to entertain some of our patients. While they did get a laugh out of our funny faces, the reason behind the red noses was much bigger than getting a few smiles.

Red Nose Day

“A world free of poverty” is the goal of Red Nose Day. Red Nose Day is a fundraising campaign run by a non-profit organization, Comic Relief Inc., They bring people together to have fun while raising money to change the lives of kids who need it the most. This organization does work in the United States, but also in some of the poorest communities in the world.

Having spent time in three different countries in Africa over the past 15 years, I’ve seen real and deep poverty up close. Poverty is much more than a lack of food, water or shelter. It hits deep in the soul of a person. Poverty can deny a person of their dignity, self-worth and most importantly, security.

In Africa and other developing areas of the world, poverty may look different than what we see here in America. But no matter where it occurs, poverty has many of the same outcomes. Anyone who claims to care about the plight of the impoverished around their neighborhood, or around the world, must take concrete steps to help those who are suffering. We must invest in charities, programs or ministries that do real and lasting work to extend a helping hand. Just feeling bad for those in poverty is not enough.

A Story About Esther

Let me tell you a story about a young girl named Esther. Nearly five years ago, my husband and I, along with our three teenage sons, moved to Kenya, Africa for seven months. Not long after our arrival, we were introduced to Esther. When we met Esther, she was weak, frail and very sick with HIV/AIDS. It was very difficult for us to see a child in this condition. The most difficult thing by far was seeing the fear in Esther’s eyes. It was obvious she knew she was dying.

Why was this precious child in such a dire state? Because the very people entrusted to care for her had failed her and she was quickly running out of time. Esther did not have the medicines she needed, and just as importantly, she was not being given the food and nutrition she needed to make her healthy.

As a last resort, Esther was brought to the Catholic Charities Care Center, a center usually providing support for the elderly. Some amazing nuns took Esther in and quite literally nursed her back to health. Less than two months after first meeting Esther, we were visiting the orphanage where she was from. We were shocked to see her running and playing with the other children. Gone was the frail little girl who could barely stand on her own. The change in her was so significant we had to ask one of the caretakers if that was really her.

Here is what Esther looks like today.

This transformation did not happen by accident.

The orphanage where Esther lives is now funded by a group of people who see to the needs of all the children in this home. They no longer wonder if there will be enough food, if there will be money for new shoes or clothes, or if they’ll be able to attend school this year because there isn’t money for school fees or uniforms. This transformation happened because people just like you, and just like me, cared enough to give of their time, talent and money to care for a little girl half way around the world. So give. Find an organization, maybe Red Nose Day, maybe another organization that touches your heart, but give somewhere. Our world doesn’t need superheroes, it just needs people who really care and act on behalf of those less fortunate than themselves.

The post Did you see us supporting Red Nose Day? appeared first on Community Choice Pediatrics.